Today I have another fabulous guest blogger! I'm so excited to have Alessandra from PunkWife.com here giving us some awesome wedding advice! If you didn't know, she even wrote a book recently called The Bitch's Bridal Bible: The Must-Have, Real Deal for Brides. I'm going to be reviewing it shortly so stay tuned for that! Or just go order it for yourself...it's bound to be awesome! And now I turn it over to Alessandra.
Brides, we’ve seen it happen time and time again when it comes to wedding planning: the friend who is upset she’s not a bridesmaid, the mother-in-law who tries to control every detail, the third cousin twice removed who’s pissed he’s seated all the way in the nosebleeds (what’s his name again, anyway?). Weddings are beautiful and wonderful – the most exciting time of your life. But let’s be serious: they also tend to conjure up the crazy in many people. Even those around you who you would never imagine acting out suddenly chug the kool-aid, take a running start, and swan-dive off into the deep end. And, while it is your day, you may inevitably wind up dealing with the drama of others, or worse – fighting with your hubby-to-be over it.
But you can prevent this from happening! In order to prepare yourself, here is my list of the 10 crazy wedding guests you may encounter, and tips on how to help these characters find (or help you put them in) their place on your big day.
The Top 10 Crazy Characters You’ll Face During Wedding Planning (and How to Deal With Them.)
1. The Control Freak. Everyone has one. You know, the one that just needs to be a part of something in order to “help-out” (read: completely take over a detail of your wedding.) Instead of getting heated or wasting energy fending her off, lean into the crazy and keep her busy instead. This will get her off your back for a bit. Give her a job to do, such as helping with your favors. She can be in charge of separating the silver m&m’s from the white ones. For all two hundred goody bags. Moohoohaha.
2. The Drunk. Another common character that will pop up during your wedding: the drunken scene-maker. Do yourself a favor and take precaution. You know there is someone in your social circle who knows just how to wrangle this beast. Put them on watch so they can take action (read: stuff them in the coatroom) quickly, before a scene breaks out.
3. Creepy Uncle Eddie. Your future hubby’s pervy uncle seems to be on a mission to make every family gathering uncomfortable with his smoldering stares from across the table and suggestive comments. But luckily, as the bride, you can sidestep this guy tonight since you are the one in the white gown. As for the bridesmaids, sorry ladies – you’re on your own with this one. Every (wo)man for herself!
4. The Overbearing Mother-in-Law. Dun Dun Dunnnnnn… Why does it seem like this lady knows just how to chap your ass? Similar to the control freak, deal with her by buttering her up a bit and giving her something to feel special about, even if you have to grit your teeth while doing so. Allow her to choose the centerpieces, help with the menu…just SOMETHING she can be proud of. She’ll be less likely to act out on the day you steal her son from her, you wretched being, you.
|My good friend Mary Beth and her bridesmaids in her beautiful (and sassy) October 2013 wedding!|
5. The Hot Mess Bridesmaid. Remember how funny it was in college that night when she got wasted and left her shoes at the frat house, making her late for graduation the next day? Know what’s not funny? When she does it the day of your wedding. Just remember: she’s your bestie, you love her, and your stress levels are running high right now. Take a deep breath. Give her an additional reminder beforehand to prevent any mishaps (and keep her away from the groomsmen at the rehearsal dinner.)
6. The Idea-Stealer. You found the best deejay in town! You excitedly gush to your friend, who is also engaged, about how you plan to meet with him Thursday night. But when you call him, he’s all booked up – because he’s suddenly meeting with her. You innocently mention you are having a bouquet full of Charlie Brown orchids, and whaddya know? Now she is too. Do yourself a favor: don’t share anything with her. Unless it’s the top-secret information about how you are wearing a lime green wedding gown and dancing into your reception room with your spouse to the Macarena, because that has, like, totally come back in style!
7. The Unsolicited Advice Giver. You know the one. She’ll ask how your planning is going and, before you can get a word out, she’s firing out advice for you on everything from entrée options to Kama Sutra positions for your wedding night. To exit the conversation, show her to her table. In the coatroom. Then shut the door, and back away.
8. The Wet Blanket. You know her. The one who complains the dress is too tight, the food is too cold, and the band is too loud. Take her for a walk and stuff her in the coatroom with #2 and #7. Those three will keep each other busy the whole night, don’t you worry.
9. The “Forever Frat Boy.” He’ll get up there in front of your relatives, friends, co-workers, and total strangers and lovingly share how they met you on “tequila one-two-three night” after you danced on the bar and licked a body shot off of him, believe it or not, which led you to your hubby (isn’t fate awesome?). You’ll stand there in shock as you watch your wedding gown change from white to black, right before your eyes. Prevention plan: have your hubbs talk with him beforehand to remind him that your wedding is a family event, and to be sure there are no discrepancies in his speech.
10. The Villainous Vendor. Your vendors are all smiles when you write them checks and sign the contracts, but the reality is that sometimes they flake out on the day of your wedding and venture off course from what you agreed upon. Prevent any mishaps by researching vendors thoroughly before booking, working off of trusted recommendations, and reading all contracts before signing. If something is very important to you – for instance, an emphasis on candid photos, or specific songs you want on the playlist – make this clear to the vendor ahead of time. And don’t be afraid to follow-up, even if you feel like it may be annoying. Remember: you are paying them.
Lastly, always remember that this is the most exciting time of your life, and you will (hopefully) never have the chance to do it again, so instead of putting pressure on yourself or dealing with unnecessary drama, relax and enjoy every bit of it! Because it is going to be absolutely amazing, I promise.
Author Bio: Alessandra Macaluso is author of "The Bitch's Bridal Bible: The Must-Have, Real- Deal Guide for Brides," available on and Kindle. A creator at heart, she is an avid writer of screenplays, articles, and business/product reviews. She has contributed to Uptown Magazine, Charlotte Magazine, and Yelp.com, among other publications, and was featured in the New York Times “Life and Style” section for her review of Ulta Beauty. Her original screenplay, “Polar Suburbia”, placed as a semi-finalist in the 2009 Moondance Film Festival. To learn more about Alessandra you can visit her blog at or visit her .
What kind of people are you worried about crashing your wedding? What kind of people DID crash your wedding?
Till next time,
If you're a fellow blogger and are interested in guest posting for this series, shoot me an e-mail at CatherinePageWood@gmail.com! Or, even if you're not a blogger and would like to share your wedding story or advice, send me an e-mail! I would LOVE to share your stories!
If you liked this post, be sure to check out the other editions of Wedding Wednesday!
- Getting Started on Wedding Planning
- My Tips for Less Stressful Wedding Planning
- Choosing a Photographer
- How to Survive a Wedding Expo
- Mirror, Mirror - Why Big Mirrors Are a Must!
- Save the Dates - Yay or Nay?
- Easily Overlooked Details